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| 1) they are not nearly as entertaining as biden/palin. 2) i heart tom brokaw like whoa. and his one minute limits that no one is following. "we're gonna have a larger deficit than the federal government here." aww and his cute little glasses. 3) i appreciate the "town hall" meeting style of this debate. the town hall seems a little nervous. and really poor at reading questions off small pieces of paper. 4) i don't think joe lieberman is a good example of reaching across the aisle. i don't think lieberman is a good example for anything. 5) i wonder if mccain's idea of "energy independence" is palin's beloved oil drilling in the alaskan wildlife refuge plan. blegh. 6) haha way to reference jfk, obama. love it. you know some quote about going to the moon is taped up above his desk for cheesy inspiration. 7) i like that all candidates (except palin) are following the pres-> red tie and vp -> blue tie. does that mean palin should wear blue lipstick? hmm... 8) someone mention the arts. someone. 9) why don't we realize that taxes aren't being cut? 700 billion dollar bailouts and economic stimulus plans mean taxpayer dollars. so if taxes aren't being cut, who is talking about reallocating money and reevaluating government programs? stop promising cut taxes and tell us what you are going to do with the money we have and how you are planning to cut the deficit if you aren't going to cut taxes. 10) good question, ingrid! way to realize that congress CAN move fast - and way to give environmentalism the urgency of an economic meltdown. 11) at a time like this, candidates need to know that we are very aware of the fear that accompanies an economic meltdown. WE KNOW. stop telling us how we feel and start telling us how you plan to fix it. 12) yes. please stop borrowing money from china. and can we get morgan stanley to NOT sell 49% of their company to some china company? that would be nice. we sort of don't want them to control our finances. sort of. 13) you know who votes for it? "that one." nice one mccain. 14) i know its tennessee, but anyone else notice the black/white dichotomy going on in this "town hall?" where're the asians and latinos and east asians? ok i'm done... for tonight. | | |
| like much of rhetoric being tossed around in tonight's VP debate, my decision to place biden on former half my slashie is intentional. i am so distressed by palin. who IS she? some thoughts: 1) 14 minutes into the debate, i had counted 4 "darn rights" thanks to sarah palin's lovely rhetoric. she appears to have thrown that phrase to the side. i am starting to wish i had counted "maverick." 2) a grocery list of topics to covers and how to cover it is a good way to prepare for a debate. reading and insisting on reciting it in a debate DESPITE the flow of the debate shows poor debate/public speaking skills 3) i wonder who does sarah palin's hair? she boasts the best conservative sex bump i've ever seen. if kim kardashian used to boast the slut sex bump, palin boasts the former beauty queen/good girl sex bump. 4) biden just quoted his mother. fabs. 5) "i just made a lame joke and you just made a lame joke because nobody got it." "are you talking about my joke or your joke?" oh palin. such a clown. 6) i commend biden for maintaing a level of professionalism that i don't think obama/mccain was very successful at doing... and still laughing good-naturedly at palin's jokes/stupidity. 7) biden has good command of his stats. 8) "there are bills that i didn't veto!" i mean, that doesn't mean i supported it, but... who's calling the kettle black? 9) and OH! biden just called her out on the "maverick" 10) to proclaim that the united states can be "a city on a hill" shows a certain level of ignorance. though originally quoted from the bible, the phrase was severely twisted when john winthrop utilized it in his 1630 inspirational speech. the entire speech is rooted in fear. fear of the unknown. fear aimed at the ignorant. i've learned to be very skeptical of pretty, happy phrases like "we can be a city on a hill." use your own words and when you choose to use the phrases of others, know the historical implications it carries - address it, go back to the root meanings and acknowledge what you are trying to say. Finally - Palin kind of reminds me of the high school kids i used to debate against. she should signpost. ;) good debate, folks. good debate. now go register to vote. (ok, debate just ended. must say - she has the most high pitched voice that carries too far and is soo annoying. - not that its a reason to not vote for her, but omg! and oh preggers bristol.HAHAHA - sarah palin is even spastic when she pats her son's back... hahahaha - who is the sketchy man standing in the back of everyone?) | | |
| the title for this entry pays homage to my knees which are currently in a black and blue state. they don't look pretty, nor are the bruises symmetrical because i definitely crashed harder onto my left knee than my right. story: in the midst of crazed installation of an exhibition due to open in 3 hours, i was sent on a mission to retrieve any sharp object i could lay my hands on. the purpose: to cut paper slightly thinner than cardstock with a knife sharp enough to prevent anything but the smoothest cut. with an x-acto knife and a blade in hand, i made my way down the hall in my mini-wedges. not heels of any sort. without realizing how particularly shiny the linoleum was, i turned a corner and the edge of my shoe caught and slipped and i went crashing down. by some sort of miracle, the sharp objects remained firmly in my hand, injuring neither myself nor the professor walking just a foot or two ahead of me. lesson of the hour: mothers ought to teach children to not run with anything sharp, not just scissors. and check the shine-level of the floor before walking briskly around corners. delightfully, the story is not nearly as dramatic as its potential. today is my first free day since, i don't even remember when. and it is a relief especially as i'm trying to recover from this cold. most people lose appetite, and thus weight, when they are sick. i, however, experience cravings stranger than when i am pmsing. ok - perhaps more than had any desire to know, but oatmeal? chocolate milk? milk in general? pasta e fagioli? oatmeal chocolate chip cookies? weird cravings for foods i don't normally eat. and you know what i just can't swallow? coffee. i feel like this must be what it is like to be pregnant. craving foods you don't normally eat and feeling disgusted by the one thing that you have to have every morning. so what have i been doing since waking up at 10:30? (hey, i'm sick...) eating. writing. editing. getting some daily business stuff done. reading. procrastinating. speaking of... how did it get to be 5:18 pm already? why am i blogging? because i'm procrastinating. it looks like a lovely day outside. i wouldn't know. haven't stepped foot outside all day. oy. the more i reconsider my day, the more pathetic it becomes. if i had anything to show for it... anyway - i could sit here and wax poetic about something or other, but i don't really feel like it and don't really have anything to say. except this. come the weekend of sept. 20. i want that weekend here. now. because that weekend will witness the gathering of five of the original vce8 members in the heart of new york city. a birthday, a white party, and five girls who haven't all been together in two years. have no fear, drunken debauchery (or something like that) will ensue. and when the sun rises on sunday morning, nyc will not know what hit it. ok - that was rather dramatic. it's going to be amazing and awesome and i cannot wait. i'm done. back to murakami and the perverse sexuality of japanes culture caused by the infantilization of japan after its defeat in ww2. fascinating. | | |
| i can't quite decide if we're right in the middle of summer or if it's about to end. i'm back in connecticut after being gone for two months. there were so many things that i put off, mentally and literally, to not think about or not do until i returned and now that i've returned, it's like i am completely unable to ward off a mental blockade that refuses to let me have the productivity i had envisioned. (i feel like every one of my xanga entries reads something like this. probably because i only blog when i'm mentally constipated. haha.) at any rate, i'm back - with so much in front of me - and unable to activate myself. i guess i just don't really know where to start. maybe i just need to get files and subfiles for all the different projects and then start from there. but how to allocate one's time? well, at any rate, i'm not allocating any time to any of them! haha so as a general declaration to guys out there - and this doesn't come completely randomly, but i am hindered in my ability to tell the most recent story - if you want a girl to know you're interested, just ask her out on a date. i mean, seriously. all the hints in the entire world can be interpreted in any way imaginable. but you ask her on one date, and she gets it. i'm just sayin. oh and make sure she gets that you meant it as a date - apparently this has also been an issue. if you don't do that, don't lament that she didn't pick up on the signs. like fer realz, yo. on a completely unrelated note. i met with a couple old high school friends and we were, of course, mocking old high school folks including this girl in our journalism class who was dumb as a rock. i mean, i'm not trying to be mean - there was just nothing going on up there. i think she used to giggle and declare her own dumbness. fortunately for me, as feature editor of the paper, she was on my staff. not knowing how to keep her writing out of the paper (even the teacher was baffled as to how she got accepted into the class), we gave her a column which, while meaning she got printed every month, also meant that she only got a tiny little wordcount. minimize the damage, so to speak. at any rate, we were mocking the title of her column (i only write all this because the chances of her ever reading this blog are non existent). we mocked it until i realized that it's similar to the subtitle of my, also cheesy, also unprofessional and poorly written, blog. oopsies. i'm going to the city on saturday - to see a show that closes on the 25th and my director just warned me today that a lot of galleries are closed on saturdays during the summer. boo. i'm still going even if it is closed. i'll just go back some day next week. i've been dying to see the show, but i'll be honest, a big part of me going is that i need a big dose of fantananess. a nice solid night of partying always sets me up for a good productive couple months. i told yun, sometimes i just need to be frivolous with someone who knows me and totally understands me and knows that i'm not actually frivolous. its like safe superficiality. ok, we always precede the frivolousness with a good dose of soul searching/talking. this time, hopefully with some delish azn ice cream. oh and let's not forget that mani/pedi i'm dying for and is super cheap in chinatown. (aww, how i miss la) i am hoping though that i can forget myself for one night and then come back and be ridiculously productive. too much thinking over these past couple months. not good for me. | | |
| the colors just because i'm missing georgetown a little today. missing being surrounded by my friends just a little bit. a wee little bit. am not totally sure why i am experiencing this nostalgia right now, probably because my brain is fuzzy and i am unable to coherently think about anything, and the ever-present "if onlys" are peeking their way into the 8 million other thoughts and i wish that if only i could be where they are, if only i could talk to them, if only i could get these thoughts out of my head, if only we could laugh ourselves silly, if only we could sit on the couch and veg, if only things had not turned out how they did after graduation, if only we were still all the way we were, if only we didn't lose touch, if only i wasn't so very worried about some of them, if only there wasn't this weird silence that shouldn't be there among friends so close... if only... if only all was right with the world. i am exhausted - thus why i am (still) incoherent. i should've blogged yesterday when i was alert, but i had to channel that alertness to the paper. i got a substantial amount on paper, nothing final or solid, but its there. i waste my incoherence here and now only on xanga - a way for my hands to keep busy, for my brain to think without actually thinking. why am i so tired? nothing really to keep me up at night, nothing really to keep me awake, but i couldn't sleep last night - last i looked at the clock it was 4:45 am. and i was still lying there, unaware of what was going through my head and wishing it would all just put itself to bed. so a mere 3 hours of sleep later, i ambitiously approached my work again - starting the googling process, jumping a little into editing, a little into new writing, and none of it was substantive. nothing resulted that i could keep so i crumpled it all away in my brain and threw it into my mental recycling bin. maybe it'll come back out something of utility. faced down a couple other projects, began brief background research, wondering how this exhibition can possibly come together with no objects. and the wondering brought up more useless results that were also thrown away. more papers, thesis, interviews that have not been conducted, applications that are incomplete, people who have not been contacted. a couple phone calls this morning alerting me to things that need to be done, forms that need to be filled out, business that needs to be taken care of, documents that need to be mailed off and all of it sits in front of me, untouched, unread. so often i mourn my lack of time and then time is given to me in plentitude and now i mourn lack of energy. when every bone in my body feels weighed down, tired, melted. wow - all this from lack of sleep, but not really. i've slept less and functioned more before. where will i be this time next year? walked through half my day yesterday with brewing frustration in my chest. all the little inexplicable buttons that people push got pushed and they didn't get why i got upset because they don't know the buttons are there and they cannot be blamed for what they do not know. they cannot be blamed for an inability to breathe, for the claustrophobia that is always threatening to take over. they cannot experience the numbness that spreads through the lower back up to the base of the neck, spreading its fingers up around to the cranium, squeezing until feeling evaporates into tingling, leaving only headiness and breathless. but not in a good way. they cannot know of the volatile nature when here. that the slightest provocation leaves a bitter and broken mess just as you cannot know why. experience me elsewhere. not here. here i cannot be who i am. here you cannot know me. this is why i cannot pick up the phone. because i don't have the energy to be fake - to pretend to be me when i am not. maybe tomorrow. did you know eggshells, like glass, can be broken into an infinite amount of pieces. that is a lot of brokenness. i am just typing - not thinking. overdramatized, yes. reality, perhaps not. in my mind, however, undeniable. trying to use language that eludes me. that took me all of 5 minutes. what now? stare at the wall, at the man scratching his back on the windowsill, (who does that in public places, anyway?), my empty glass of tea, my book, my phone - willing it to ring - though i know it won't, only 6 more sets of 5minutes to stare than i get the gift of reality. finally. dinner with an old dear long unseen friend. shake me out of my mind. maybe go for a short run at twilight tonight. but then who am i kidding? still reading the same. per usual, i leave with a quote: This was the impression that if the girl was deeply and recklessly meditating there she wasn't meditating a jump; she was on the contrary, as she sat, much more in a state of uplifted and unlimited possession that had nothing to gain from violence. she was looking down on the kingdoms of the earth and though indeed that of itself might well go to the brain, it wouldn't be with the view of renouncing them. was she choosing among them or did she want them all? ... for she now saw that the great thing she had brought away was precisely a conviction that the future wasn't to exist for her in the form of any sharp or simple release from the human predicament. it wouldn't be for her a question of a flying leap and thereby of a quick escape. it would be a question of taking full in the face the whole assault of life, to the general muster of which indeed her face might have been directly presented as she sat there on the rock... if [she] still continued absent it wouldn't be because - whatever the opportunity - she had cut short the thread. she wouldn't have committed suicide; she knew herself unmistakeably reserved for some more complicated passage; this was the very vision in which she had, with no little awe, been discovered. - henryjames:thewingsofthedove | | |
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